Pay it Forward

Kampala, Uganda

So I extended my stay just for this day. To experience a Ugandan wedding.

And I couldn’t get up and out of the house until 2:30 pm.

I skipped the service due to late night shenanigans and my desire to recoup seven hours of sleep. By the time I managed to get up and out of the house, Suubi, her mom, and a couple family friends were lunching at Cassia Lodge rooftop restaurant. It was an hour from where I was, so I placed an order to go, as they would be wrapping up by the time I arrived. I ordered the Samai Wa Nazzi, which was tilapia cubes braised in a coconut and coriander sauce. It was good.

I dressed, packed a change of clothes and shoes because according to Suubi, we could end up anywhere after the reception, out with the wedding attendees, meeting up with some cousins, or even at a vigil for the passing of a family friend.

When I arrived at Cassia, everyone was finished eating, but the chat was nowhere close to being wrapped up. I had time to ask the waiter for a plate and utensils to transfer my food from the to-go box to the plate, eat it comfortably, and take pics with the views before there was ever any movement to head to the reception.

Suubi’s dad couldn’t attend the reception as they were double-booked. December is high social-demand season. Weddings. Memorials. Introduction ceremonies. Galore. No Ugandan could ever say they had nothing to do during December. Knowing they had to show their face at each event or who knows, there may be a social fallout, they decided to split up. Dad went to one, and mom went to the next.

Let’s talk Ugandan weddings.

This wedding was a one thousand person affair. When we pulled up to the reception around 4 pm, we were greeted by security verifying identities and checking the guest list. Obviously, I had no expectations, but this was nothing like I had ever seen or imagined before.

The venue was a private event ground at Kigo Gardens, roughly one to three acres of land, with dedicated parking, restrooms, and enough open space to freely design and produce almost any event imaginable.

For this wedding, they transformed the grounds into a luxurious estate using tents, fabrics, the sun, and really green grass as props.

On the immediate left after security, were two pristine white tents responsible for bubbles, custom sweet juices to drive home that Love is Sweet and coffee for the people like Suubi who did not sleep the night before. We were led to our tables by Vivian, the waitress assigned to us based on our table number.

As we walked, we passed photo areas, and then we made it to the entrance of the main reception tent. It was so huge, I left dissecting it to last.

Rising from the middle of the open field was a massive clear marquee, draped floor to ceiling in flowing white fabric. The floor was raised, covered in fake grass. There was a trellis dressed with cascading florals and hanging gold lanterns with white candles in it, creating a romantic garden walkway that led into the main marquee.

I was like yea, this will make one hell of an entrance for the bride and groom and their bridal party. Every guest walking through it felt magical, as if they were a bride themselves.

I was inspired to pull out my wedding scrapbook and take notes. I don’t have one, but I might as well start it with this wedding. The white plus the natural light from the sun really made this aesthetic pop.

We were unfortunately separated from the parents based on honor rankings. The parents, elders, etc. were placed closer to the bridal table, as they were more honored traditionally. Meanwhile, the friends of the newlyweds, etc. were placed to the far right side.

Amito became our waitress, and as soon as we were seated, she took our drink orders. I ordered a Beautiful Beginnings juice made with passion, carrot, mango, and tangerine. Delish!

As people passed our table, they greeted Suubi, so elated to see her.

I was like Suubi, let’s go check out your mom and their section. Suubi was like nope.

She had no interest in moving because if she did, she’d have to walk through a bunch of elders and would have had to kneel to greet each one. It was better to stay put.

Mind you, she had no problem kneeling, just a problem kneeling a hundred times or more in heels, a dress, you name it. She wasn’t the only one either. The others at our table were glued to their seats.

Forty minutes later, the bridal party arrived. When the bride and groom made their beautiful entrance, they went into speeches and honoring all those that needed to be honored.

The bride spoke beautifully and knelt to his family. The groom’s speech was endearingly long and sweet.

The MC called upon the parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, clan elders, and Hard Core, which is a group the groom’s parents, Suubi’s parents, and several other couples were part of for decades, to stand up and be honored for the role they played in raising, advising, financing, and blessing the newlyweds throughout their lives.

As each honoree stood, the newlyweds honored them.

The wedding committee was also honored.

Apparently, every Ugandan wedding requires an organizing committee made up of your loved ones who you trust, who know you, have your best interest at heart, and are willing to get things done. There’s always an elder on the committee too, to ensure the Kiganda (culture and tradition) are maintained.

Ugandans were clear. You had to earn your way into having an opinion about my wedding, and you better put in the work to make it happen versus just talk about it. What better way to build community, responsibility, and leadership than having a wedding task force.

The wedding committee notoriously did not sleep the night before the wedding, each one tasked with making the day go off without a hitch. One person in charge of the bar, another the venue, etc.

Also, wouldn’t you know, the men are the ones who pay for weddings in Uganda.

Even after all the speeches, I noticed the newlyweds didn’t kiss, so I asked Suubi about it.

She said that the couple weren’t allowed to kiss at weddings, as it’s public in front of parents and elders. I was flabbergasted. A fairy tale wedding without kissing? Ok.

Weddings are really huge in Uganda. To have a small wedding meant social sabotage to your dear family. And based on Uganda’s standards, even a one thousand person wedding is small.

There was a distinct cost attached to not inviting this one or that one. And I believed it because the way Hard Core was honored, you would think they were very close family, but no, they were just really great friends with the groom’s dad.

To Ugandans, acts of service are their love language. And a wedding is the best opportunity to show love. Everyone loves doing wedding favors. It’s their best chance to show someone how much they meant to them. It really was a village that raised a Ugandan, and each villager has a strong reason why they are willing to go out of their way to serve in some way or the other at your son or daughter’s wedding.

Pay it forward, they say.

Two and a half hours later, around 8, we were eating. Groundnut and matooke were of course on the menu.

By 10, no one was sitting. Everyone was up eating skewers, drinking, and dancing. At this point, Suubi and the other “youths” made their way to greet their elders. I also joined them and thoroughly enjoyed greeting every single gentleman and woman around the Hard Core table. It was a very personal experience, where each person took the time to know my name, ask me questions about Trinidad, how I was enjoying Uganda, the wedding, and the list continued. Wow! Greeting is work, but such a valuable tradition to ingrain respect and also to get the personal attention of the elders. I felt like I was the one being honored, not the elders. LOL.

Once we greeted everyone, and Suubi got a dance or two in with her mom, we went back to dancing in our section, which was only interrupted by fireworks and more drinks.

By midnight, the newlyweds were free to join their friends’ section.

It was 12:30 am, Suubi’s dad had eventually joined us, and Hard Core was not ready to leave yet. Hence their name. They go right down, the last ones standing at an event.

I understood where Suubi inherited the right down gene from.